| |
| |
|
Coaching Information |
|
|
|
Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 2)
Yes, that pillar of society that has been with us since that slithery dude threw humanity for a curve in the Garden of Eden - that cornerstone of society has been automated. I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance ( I wrote about him in Part 1 at http://www.thehappyguy.com/nuisance1.html. ) No longer do pests have to come around in restaurants and train stations and villages singing loudly and playing their harpsichords. We now have machines to do that for us - machines like televisions and radios and elevator muzak and backfiring Mustangs. In the olden days, you could just throw a brick at a public nuisance, and that would usually shut him up for two minutes - five if the brick hit its mark. But it's harder to throw a brick at a TV, because bar owners send bloodthirsty lawyers after you, something the old-fashioned public nuisances knew nothing about. And how can you throw a brick at the shadowy creature producing elevator muzak? So it was inevitable that some guy named Mitch Altman would invent a high-tech way to neutralize those high-tech public nuisances. It's an infrared keychain called TV-B-Gone that shuts off intrusive TVs remotely. "Hey I was watching that show," calls out the six-foot-four, burly guy at the bar. "Whoever zapped my show has five second to unzap it., or I'll get off this stool." Oh, well. I suppose there are still a few technical adjustments to tinker with. But I was thinking, "Hey. I could invent something useful like that. I could invent a high-tech brick to shut down those high-tech public nuisances for at least five minutes." So I did. First, I set out to defeat muzak. I invented a device called the Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. I was so excited, I decided to take it for a test drive. I found a really high building and headed straight for the elevator. Half way up, I activated my Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. "Aha!" I called out. "We have your elevator hostage. If you shut the muzak off, we will release it unharmed." The other passengers looked at me like I had a purple horn growing out of one ear. "I said, turn off the muzak and your elevator won't be harmed." One passenger was starting to get interested. "What the *$&% do you think you're doing?" I was positively giddy that my fellow passengers were so eager to participate. One of them even wanted to get his hands on my Automated Elevator Hostage Taker, but for public safety reasons I couldn't let it into untrained hands until it had been fully tested in both laboratory and field conditions. "How did your test drive go?" my wife asked. I looked up at her from my hospital bed. "I think the next prototype will be equipped with life insurance." Fortunately, I came up with another invention as soon as I recovered. I call it the Tailpipe Plug-in. Cars emit the most ghastly-smelling fumes. No. Wait. I take that back. Cars emit the second-most ghastly-smelling fumes. Diesel buses emit the most ghastly-smelling fumes. But those days will soon be over, as people arm themselves with their personal Tailpipe Plug-ins. "How does it work?" my wife asked. "So glad you asked. It uses spidey technology." "Spidey technology?" she looked puzzled. "That's right. You know, like Spiderman. Let's say a bus come within a few yards and threatens to belch out yucky black stinky stuff. You just flick your wrist like this..." SPLAT! BANG! CRASH! "Oops." "You knocked over my prize lamp and broke it. And what's this ugly goop splattered all over the carpet and the wall? Yuck. Get it off," my wife demanded. "I can't." "What do you mean, you can't?" she raged. "It's like that expanding foam insulation. No. Wait. It's like very fast-curing expanding foam insulation." "Well, what do you plan to do about it?" my wife wanted to know. "I guess I'll have to put on a warning label - Do not use indoors." Once back in my hospital bed, I realized I had not given the right answer. I still had many inventions left in me. Like the Automatic No-parking Sign Dissolver. And the Perfumalizer, handy for use in crowded buses where people hold onto bars and posts above their heads. And I can't wait to invent the Escalator Fast-forward Button. But for now, I am way too distracted by the very loud TV show my hospital roommate is watching. I sure could use Mitch's TV-B-Gone right about now. About The Author David Leonhardt is a humor columnist: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html Visit his liquid vitamins store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Freedom for All; Is it Possible? Freedom for all species and people, and freedom of stress; is it possible? Could the Internet be a tool to getting there?Freedom, what is it? I am an Internet writer whose job is to write about the Internet. Does that mean I am locked into this one area? Am I allowed to write about other things? Well today I am going to test out my supposed freedom, by writing about freedom. Things Are Good Because I Say They Are The subject of positive self talk regarding our goals and dreams reminds me of the childhood story, The Velveteen Rabbit. The boy loves the toy so much that a magic fairy comes and turns the toy bunny into a real rabbit. Unhook From The Perpetual Progress Grid I have been a member of a group called the Women in Business Connection (WIBC for short) in Cambridge, MA for about four years. We get together for lunch meetings once a month. Hows Your Self-Talk? You know, what are you saying to yourself? There's always something going on in there. Do you make positive statements about yourself to yourself or are you beating yourself up with your own words?"Know thyself" is a statement that comes to mind. What You See is What You Get H. Jackson Brown Jr. Assertive Communication: 20 Helpful Tips Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive. But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive. Coaching Prime Time An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out of Hollywood lately, have you noticed? Whether it's Morgan Spurlock's feature film debut "Supersize Me".. The Right Coach Who is the Best Coach For Achieving Your Goals?A friend of mine was recently at a Mark Victor Hansen and Robert Allen workshop. They were promoting their Enlightened Millionaire Program. How to Choose the Right Coach for You So you want to hire a coach but with so many choices it's easy to feel overwhelmed. How do you find the coach that is right for you? It can seem like a daunting task so here are some guidelines to help you make the right decision for you. Enhancing Life for a Lifetime Do you often feel lonely, anxious, or even depressed? Is a mid-life or quarter-life crisis threatening your confidence, self-esteem and well-being? Do you yearn for practical advice on enhancing, balancing and bringing new joy to your personal and professional life?Tens of millions of Americans answer a resounding "yes" to one or more of those questions. After all, statistics report that more than 19 million of us are diagnosed with depression each year. The Power of Storytelling Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key to a successful presentation is a product being sold to the end-line consumer and/or sponsoring a new person. In this article, I am going to show you the difference between making a sale and having customer loyalty in the sales process. Eureka! I've Found It! OK, so it wasn't quite that big of a deal. But I did find the "T" that mysteriously escaped from the word "not" in one of my articles a few months ago. Have a World-Changing Conversation I know what you're thinking? "Here I am, completely stressed out and overworked, and here's Barbara telling me that I can change the world by having a conversation! Really?the heat must have fried her brain?"You're absolutely right. (About the world-changing conversations, not about the fried brain. 5 Steps to Derail Difficult People - Your Surefire Way to a Peaceful Resolution That one guy at work that always has to be right; your buddy's wife who can't eat anywhere they serve burgers, or the monster-in-law, I mean mother-in-law, with too many opinions for your own good, difficult people, we all know them. So the question is, is there a right and a wrong way to deal with them? The answer is yes, if you want to avoid unnecessary confrontations. Personal Core Values: Your Key to Success and Happiness Each of us has our own set of personal values; these are the things which we believe are important, which motivate us and to which we give priority. If I asked you what your personal values are, the chances are that you would struggle to find the answer. COACHING: When it's Beyond Oprah and Dr. Phil How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will it take to sooth your appetite? To actually get your life to where you want it to be? To actually start seeing changes for yourself rather than just on the tear-filled faces of Oprah's latest guests?How about the alternatives? If you stick with TV then you will likely wind up in frightening dead ends with the likes of Jerry, Ricky and Montel. So, you read a few more Chicken Soup books, listen to another Anthony Robbins seminar and double up on the appointments with your shrink. Beware of Psychic Vampires I am often asked how I stay happy and motivated all the time. The answer has two parts to it; positivity and self-talk. Loving Every Phenomenal Part of You Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring to leaving your precious life on this Earth; but rather, just wished you weren't a certain way or did not have some particular qualities and mannerisms that were so apparent to you. I know I have. Becoming An Information Filter And A Knowledge Sponge As the title states, "Become an Information Filter and a Knowledge Sponge." On your daily journey to achieve your WHY, you will travel through many different avenues and sometimes you will ask yourself, "Why do I need to meet this person or experience this situation?" The key is to truly understand that you must become an information filter and use your personal God-given filters -- your eyes and your ears. Communicating with Case Studies Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf of an organization I represent, to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had come to fruition, it would have radically changed our organization.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
