| |
| |
|
Attraction Information |
|
|
|
How to Tame the Destructive Ego
Polly's storyPolly had a four year old child who nearly every day would scream at her: "I want to kill you!"Polly tried her best to keep her cool but predictably, the point was soon reached when she would feel herself almost bursting with rage every time she heard the offensive words. One day when he said them, she locked the child in his room for an hour. He yelled his lungs out all the while, but it didn't stop him from later saying the same thing again. Another day, Polly poured black pepper on the kid's tongue, and another time she tried washing his mouth out with soap. All these "remedies" may have helped her little son understand who the "boss" was, but for all that, he went on informing her regularly, in a nasty tone, that he wanted to kill her. In desperation, Polly phoned up a friend who was already an experienced mother and asked her what she would do in such circumstances. "As the oldest of three children, he probably feels left out of things," advised the friend. "I would say he's not hateful, he's just in pain. Don't respond to the words. Only respond to the pain." The next day, true to form, the little chap shouted out the four dreaded words. Acting on her friends advice, Polly hugged him, smiled and said: "Even if you want to kill me, I love you more than anything in the world." Once the boy had recovered from the unexpected "shock" and the atmosphere was calmer, Polly tried to find out what was bothering him. That was the last time he ever uttered those words, or anything similar. If you're like most people, you react almost every day to situations you perceive to be threatening in much the same way that Polly would respond to her little one's painful verbal jabs - only to get nowhere for your trouble! Credit card bluesLet's say that a man gets really hot under the collar while checking the family credit card statement, after noticing that his wife had bought some big ticket items without his knowledge. If she decides to give in to her first impulse, the lady might well yell back at him: "You old skinflint!" (or an even less flattering "compliment") and continue: "What's the matter with you? Aren't I entitled to a few decent clothes like any other woman?" Alternatively, she resist the temptation of an impulsive response, calm down a little and say: "You're right. Neither of us should make a purchase without first consulting the other. You know, I'm really sorry. I didn't intend to hurt you." And hopefully, that's the end of the incident. (Note that I'm not talking about abusive personalities - emotionally disturbed souls who will continue to insult and manipulate you no matter how gently you respond to them. With such people, you're probably better off keeping your distance. Here, though, we're presumably dealing with a rational, well disposed gentleman, just feeling the stress of having to be continually vigilant in the ongoing struggle to balance the family budget.) Martha vs. SidMartha was an idealistic young lady young lady who lived more for other people than for herself. In fact, one of the reasons why she was attracted to Sid, the man who was to become her husband, was that for many years he had been very involved in community activism and welfare work in his spare time.In the first weeks and months of marriage, she was apparently quite surprised to see some major changes in Sid's after-work routine. Very understandably - at least, many people would have thought so - he cut back sharply on his community volunteering in order to spend time with his new wife. Martha, for her part, was flattered enough by his attention and grateful for his devoted help around the house. Unfortunately, her pleasure was marred by an inner conflict: what she had wanted in a husband was a sort of public hero - a man whose life revolved around his community, not around his hearth and home! Martha tried to persuade him to return to his communal endeavors. This only served to alienate him, since took it as a sign that Martha didn't really appreciate all the attention he was showering upon her. Eventually, Martha also turned to an older and more experienced friend for advice. "Lay off! Leave the poor man alone," counseled her friend. "Concentrate on improving yourself, not him. Work every day on refining and perfecting your character traits. And in particular, always try to think of new things you could be doing for your husband - things that will make him a little happier, his life that much easier..."
From that day on, her marriage went from strength to strength. Now, what do Martha, Polly and the lady whose husband didn't like her spending habits all have in common? Who's in control?If you think about it, it boils down to this: each of them controlled their Ego! They subdued it, they harnessed it, they molded it to their advantage. Each of them had their own inner struggle, certainly. But ultimately, they did not allow the Ego to control them. Absolutely not! It's a well known fact that when a person senses danger, the body pumps out stress hormones such as adrenaline. Adrenaline then cause the system to release fat into the bloodstream, which provides the extra energy the person needs to fight off the danger. It's also well known that when a person gets angry, the body receives a false signal and starts producing adrenaline even in the absence of real danger. If this happens often enough, it can cause irreversible harm to the body. The fascinating thing is that this pattern of events operates not only on the physical level. When you smell danger around the corner but none, in fact, exists, and you start to panic for no good reason, you unwittingly inflict on yourself real damage on the emotional plane as well. And, as if the personal damage isn't bad enough, sometimes your relationship with someone close to you somehow gets caught up in the firing line. Let's say you're standing in line at the supermarket checkout when somebody behind pushes you aside and strides up to the cashier. His very act of queue jumping is a red light for you and you get hopping mad. But before your blood pressure has even had time to rise, the offender has already finished his transaction and you're free to proceed. You stop to think. "Hey, my body and my emotions have just taken a terrible pounding, but why? Was I in any type of danger? No, it appears not. Then why the heck did I get so hot under the collar? "On second thoughts, though, there was a part of me that came under threat. But which part? Only my Ego, actually.....And for the sake of a bruised Ego I'm willing to get so excited over an inconsequential delay of precisely eighteen seconds?" It's only your Ego that's hurt when you pass an acquaintance in the street and she returns your greeting with a blank stare. It's only your Ego that's hurt when a clerk at a government office yells at you for not bringing the right forms. It's only your Ego that's hurt when you do something beyond the normal line of duty at the office, but nobody seems to appreciate it. And it's only your Ego that's hurt when you go out of your way to prepare something special for dinner, but as far as you know, your family don't even notice it. Once you have learned to distinguish between real danger and mere ego-danger, you will have the key in your hands for vanquishing the troublesome Ego and confining it to its proper place for ever. Azriel Winnett is creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New articles added almost daily.
MORE RESOURCES:
Attraction - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
First Impressions - Turn Fear Into Courage The top business people all say the same thing - first impressions count. Sounds easy, and it is easy for those few who can start a conversation with just about anyone but how many people do you know who are like that?On the other hand when you're shy it's easy to avoid other people, shyness automatically comes with a PhD in how to creatively avoid people, especially strangers!However this tendency can prove detrimental to your business especially when you consider that your ultimate success can depend on approaching people and making a great first impression. Whats in a Name ? What's In a Name?How often have you thought about the name that you were given? Do you know what your name means? Have you lived up to the wonderful meaning of your name?I haven't given much thought to my name in a long time until recently. For several reasons, my name is giving me a lot of respect in this community that I've joined. The Power of Perspective You limit yourself. Yes, it is true. Abundance or Scarcity: What Belief Do You Choose to Engage? For the last several years, I have included on my email signature the following salutation "Peace and Abundance." This is a daily reminder that my success begins with how I engage my beliefs. The Law of Attraction and Love The Law of Attraction says that 'like attracts like'. It means that whatever your predominate thoughts are will show up as people and experiences in your life. The Universal Laws Of Attraction You know it's funny how some people just seem to have all the luck in the world. Infact in some cases it almost seems to be unfair. Be Grateful for Gratitude In Twelve Step meetings, it's traditional to groan when someone says, "Let's have a gratitude meeting." People don't like to talk or think about what they're grateful for. 5 Powerful Steps To Unleashing Your Creative Self There is a thread of certainty that runs through many lives. It is sensed as a measured and anticipated rhythm of predictability built upon our notions of how things have been and how they will continue to be. Why Do We Settle? You Have the POWER to Change the Outcome Why do we settle for less and then make excuses for everyone? Perhaps it is a way to avoid confrontation, or it could be that we simply don't have time, or choose not to deal with poor customer service and the boss who promised a raise that never quite made its way to our paycheck. Those are some of the possibilities, but there is another option- we settle, or make excuses, for others because we have given away our power to the other person involved in the equation. The Joy Of Living In The Zone What do people want most in the world? What is the most sought-after goal? From the moment we awaken to the moment we close our eyes at night, what is it we seek every minute of the day?We want to feel good. The primary motivation behind every action we take is the desire to feel happy. Appreciation Attracts Prosperity Did you know that appreciation is one of the most powerful forces in the Universe for manifesting and attracting prosperity? According to teachers like L. Ron Hubbard (father of Dianetics), Abraham-Hicks and Drunvalo Melchizedek, appreciating yourself and your life can literally boost you to the highest vibrations. Rising Above the Average There is nothing more motivating than reading a story about someone who comes from a poor, difficult life and rises above it to do so much with their life. Reading about a person who had so many obstacles in their way and they overcame them to be the most incredible people. Great Things Cannot Happen Without Change If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.It's critical that we realize our lives can change at any moment. So, The Thing Is... We Reap What We Sow So, the thing is? we reap what we sow.A few weeks ago, my daughters and I planted some seeds. Ten Tips For Setting (And Keeping) Life Changing Resolutions It's time for that annual ritual of making (and breaking) our New Year's resolutions. There is something about the idea of being able to start over that motivates us to pause (at least briefly) and reflect on our lives as they are, as well as how we would like them to be. Whos World Is It? The World Is Yours - Invite Success Who's World Is It?Who's world really is it? Is it a man's world? There is a song by James Brown. "This is a mans world" is the chorus. 7 Simple Tips For Cultivating Tons Of Confidence Confidence without competence is a dangerous combination. Make it easy for yourself and only engage in Self comparison when you are assessing your progress. Everyday People Are Accomplishing Their Dreams - Now Its Your Turn! If you can do anything in this time in your life what would you do?I mean the sky is the limit. You have all the money you need, your bills are all paid and right now you have the opportunity to do whatever you want. 10 Ways to Survive and Celebrate Valentine's Day When You Are Single Do you feel all alone and out of sorts on days like Valentine's Day when you are not in a relationship? Use these suggestions to reframe your experience and set the stage for what you want to attract for yourself. Here are 10 things you can do to make it a great day for you. Your Authentic Self Our journey through life can lead us to surprising and unexpected destinations. Life as in nature has no straight lines.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
